It's weird how intimidating writing my birth stories are. My first one took me 18 months and here I am, 3 months postpartum 4 months, shit almost 5 months post partum, and still haven't written about that day. Or should we say days, because lets face it, I'm a marathon laborer. I'm convinced I will have precipitous labor one of these times. Just to throw me off since I expect to labor for so long.
The difference with this birth story is that it really begins with THIS birth story, as often time VBAC/TOLAC stories do. To sum it up, if you are lazy like myself and don't want to read it, my last birth ended in a cesarean after 40 hours of what was supposed to be a natural hospital birth. It was one of the most trying and glorious days of my life. I became a mother to a beautiful, independent, sassy pants little girl we named Kennedy. She was 8lbs 9oz, not huge but according to my OB too big for me. Pre-Kennedy I was about 130lbs and 5'4", too small to push a baby out. It didn't make sense to me. It didn't add up and I spent 18 months asking myself how I wasn't made to birth babies. While everyone reminded me that 'at least you have a healthy baby" the guilt just sunk in deeper that I wasn't okay with how everything went down that day. Until I found ICAN. You can read about that in the other birth story, but again to summarize, I was given the confidence I needed to pursue my vbac (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean). So I started the research and got together the best team I could. Hired an amazing doula, and found a care provider that would give me the best chance at the birth I wanted. And then we waited...
Nothing too extravagant happened on this day. We did decide to meet friends of ours for dinner and I started to notice a trickle. Yep. You guessed it. I couldn't be 100% sure, but I am pretty sure this is when things started (very slowly) to begin. I went about my evening just like every other over due pregnant lady does...nummy food with ice cream for dessert I'm sure was included.
Happy 2nd Birthday Kennedy Mae! She woke up early (it's been too long for me to remember, but I think it was about 5:30am) I got up to go get my little birthday girl and as I stood up to hold her my pants soaked to my knees. I walked in and asked Nate to take her and went to the bathroom where I was able to see my bloody show was beginning as well. I had been losing obscene amounts of plug daily since Friday and this finally had some "show"! I knew labor was imminent and chatted with Nate. We were both too excited to go back to sleep. After a few hours of nothing happening and thinking there was a possibility of leaking since Saturday we put a call into my doctor to see what he wanted us to do. They were swamped at the office and after 2 hours he still hadn't called me back so I called again, where the nurse told me I should just head in. I was devastated to say the least that things seemed to be going exactly as they had with my first birth. I decided to take my time and arrange child care and also schedule an appointment with my chiropractor to see if babies alignment had anything to do with why labor wasn't picking up. Just as we were about to head out the door my doctor called and said that as long as my temperature was fine and the water was clear, I was free to stay home and wait for labor to begin on its own. THANK YOU JESUS! Nate and I both were relieved that things were finally not going to head down the same path that they had the last time. We still left the house and went to the chiropractor and dropped Kennedy off at my mom's. That was probably the hardest part of the day. I had an enormous amount of guilt about leaving her on her birthday. I know she was only turning 2, but I felt like a terrible mother not spending the rest of the day with her.
After dropping her off, we went to Subway for lunch and went home. Well I went home and Nate went to work for a few hours. I attempted to take a nap and did some curb walking outside. My neighbor noticed me out and came by to invite me for a walk, so we went on about a 3 mile walk. My waves were coming every once in awhile, but nothing regular or even close to me thinking labor was beginning. That night for dinner, Nate and I went for pizza at the place we had gone the night before my labor with Kennedy began. At this time I wasn't noticing any other water leaking. I still, to this day, have no idea what happened that morning, but I know that it was amniotic fluid. Its one of those things i need to remember to talk to my OB about the next time.
Anyways, after dinner we went home and I went to listen to my Deepening track (part of my Hypnobabies) at about 10pm. I knew I was going to wake up to waves, but was starting to doubt my body a bit.
12:05am
I woke up and had a bit of a cramp. Was that a wave? No. Couldn't be. And I drifted back to bed
12:30 am
I felt another wave and started to wonder if things were going to begin.
1:30 am
I decided to get out of bed and start timing my waves. I'm assuming my adrenaline must have kicked in here because within 15 minutes my waves started coming every 2-3 minutes and were lasting 45- 60 seconds. After 15 minutes I decided to wake up Nate and tell him we should probably make the 50 mile drive to the hospital because I was definitely in labor and wanted to actually use the tub! Nate was a wreck. He probably won't admit it, but I kept having to reassure him we were not going to have the baby in the car and he could take his time. I was so sure my waves were going to stop at any minute so I wanted him to take his time just in case.
I know I texted my doula and just gave her a heads up and we called the hospital on our way to let them know we were on our way! I put on Birthing Day Affirmations and tried to relax through the waves. The bumpy drive and lovely MN road construction made sure that they stayed coming every 2-3 minutes the whole drive to Hudson. I remember getting a text from my doula as we got in the parking lot and she said she was going to head up since she also had a bit of a drive. I still wasn't quite sure that labor had set in and was nervous of things stalling out since I know that can happen a lot when you arrive at the hospital.
Upon check-in, I consented to a pelvic exam where the nurse told me I was a good 5 almost 6 cm! I was so happy! She also said I had a bulging bag of waters and that Dr. Hartung would probably come in and break it. They did a test to see if my waters were actually broken and also gave me an antibiotic. She wanted to get a good strip from me on the monitors and was not very happy about me being on the ball so I got into bed for a bit and relaxed. The test actually came back negative for fluid, so to this day it's still a mystery about the gush of fluid the day before. My doula came and started using essential oils, which we used for the whole birthing time. My body really responded well to them, especially clary sage. My OB came in at 7am to check in with me. It was his day off, but he reassured me that he would come in when I needed him. I declined having my water broken and said I wanted to just have things naturally progress. I was afraid of things becoming too intense and was trying to avoid all interventions. Shortly after he left I got into the tub in that room. I wasn't ready to move to the big tub yet. I'm not sure why not, but it just seemed natural to go into this one.
The waves were fairly manageable and we often laughed in between them. I remember feeling antsy and wanting a change of scenery so I got out and decided to walk the halls a bit.
See this is where I need my notes from my doula because things start to really blend together! I should probably ask her for those too, huh?
She knows me well enough to know that I live inside my head, so all clocks were covered so I couldn't watch the clock. I knew time was passing, but just not quite sure of when things happened.
At some point we moved into the water birth room with the big tub. Upon getting into the water I remember saying aloud that it was "orgasmic". The warm water and jets were amazing to submerge in. We also did a lot of spinning babies in this room: belly lifts, inversions, major rebozo action, and side lying release. I knew enough to know that this baby was not in a great position because time was passing and baby was not coming out. At one point in time we went outside and walked around the labyrinth they have in a courtyard and I remember thinking that I was pretty sure I was 10 cm. My body had been shaking a bit before, which I know to be a sign of transformation. I couldn't understand what was going on though. We went inside and decided to try nipple stimulation. My waves had spaced out to 5 plus minutes apart and I guess the nurse had told my doula she didn't think I was in labor. I started to second guess what was happening and decided I wanted to be checked.This must have been around 3 pm. I must not of communicated what I thought I had, but soon enough Dr. Hartung was on the phone. He told me I had a few options. 1. Have another cesarean and call it quits, which we both knew was not going to happen 2. Go home. The nurse had told him too that she didn't believe that I was in active labor. 3. He could come in and check me and break my water and we could go from there. I of course chose option 3. This was the first I had heard of the nurses thoughts and it DEVASTATED me to say the least. I started to freak out (in my head) that something was wrong and knew there was no way I could go on any longer if this wasn't even the real deal! Lucky for this nurse it was shift change and I never saw her again. Nate and my doula reassured me that she was just not familiar with Hypnobabies and was not used to seeing people as calm as I was.
When my doctor arrived he did a very vigorous check to see if possibly baby was OP, which was not a comfortable thing at all. I would actually go on record to say that that was the worst part of my birthing story. Since I was not wanting to know dilation he wrote it down on a piece of paper for my doula. Nate says at this point he was just praying for anything but an 8! (what I stalled at with Kennedy) I kept saying I thought something was wrong and after a little coercion I allowed my doula to tell me that I was complete! He actually said I was a 9.99999. I'm glad he had a sense of humor at least! So who knows how many hours I was walking around complete? I guess we will never know! No idea why I wasn't having an urge to push, but I was given the green light to! Of course there was meconium present so this meant that my water birth wasn't going to happen, but I was free to get in the tub and start pushing. Their rule is that you can push in the tub, but have to birth the head out of water if it is present. We started filling the tub and I got in only to pretty much get back out. I wasn't comfortable anymore in the water. Too much in and out I think. I got into bed and started pushing on my knees, facing the back of the bed. This felt natural to me, but eventually ended up pushing on my side. All I really remember from this phase was my doula saying over and over 'she believed she could, so she did' and Nate cheering me on like I've never heard him before. I was oblivious to what was going on in the room, but Nate says that he knew it was close when my doctor took off his shoes and put on some gloves and came and sat at the end of the bed. I really believed I still had a few hours to go.
The difference with this birth story is that it really begins with THIS birth story, as often time VBAC/TOLAC stories do. To sum it up, if you are lazy like myself and don't want to read it, my last birth ended in a cesarean after 40 hours of what was supposed to be a natural hospital birth. It was one of the most trying and glorious days of my life. I became a mother to a beautiful, independent, sassy pants little girl we named Kennedy. She was 8lbs 9oz, not huge but according to my OB too big for me. Pre-Kennedy I was about 130lbs and 5'4", too small to push a baby out. It didn't make sense to me. It didn't add up and I spent 18 months asking myself how I wasn't made to birth babies. While everyone reminded me that 'at least you have a healthy baby" the guilt just sunk in deeper that I wasn't okay with how everything went down that day. Until I found ICAN. You can read about that in the other birth story, but again to summarize, I was given the confidence I needed to pursue my vbac (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean). So I started the research and got together the best team I could. Hired an amazing doula, and found a care provider that would give me the best chance at the birth I wanted. And then we waited...
Saturday October 5, 2013 40 weeks 4 days
Nothing too extravagant happened on this day. We did decide to meet friends of ours for dinner and I started to notice a trickle. Yep. You guessed it. I couldn't be 100% sure, but I am pretty sure this is when things started (very slowly) to begin. I went about my evening just like every other over due pregnant lady does...nummy food with ice cream for dessert I'm sure was included.
Monday October 7, 2013 40 weeks 6 days
Happy 2nd Birthday Kennedy Mae! She woke up early (it's been too long for me to remember, but I think it was about 5:30am) I got up to go get my little birthday girl and as I stood up to hold her my pants soaked to my knees. I walked in and asked Nate to take her and went to the bathroom where I was able to see my bloody show was beginning as well. I had been losing obscene amounts of plug daily since Friday and this finally had some "show"! I knew labor was imminent and chatted with Nate. We were both too excited to go back to sleep. After a few hours of nothing happening and thinking there was a possibility of leaking since Saturday we put a call into my doctor to see what he wanted us to do. They were swamped at the office and after 2 hours he still hadn't called me back so I called again, where the nurse told me I should just head in. I was devastated to say the least that things seemed to be going exactly as they had with my first birth. I decided to take my time and arrange child care and also schedule an appointment with my chiropractor to see if babies alignment had anything to do with why labor wasn't picking up. Just as we were about to head out the door my doctor called and said that as long as my temperature was fine and the water was clear, I was free to stay home and wait for labor to begin on its own. THANK YOU JESUS! Nate and I both were relieved that things were finally not going to head down the same path that they had the last time. We still left the house and went to the chiropractor and dropped Kennedy off at my mom's. That was probably the hardest part of the day. I had an enormous amount of guilt about leaving her on her birthday. I know she was only turning 2, but I felt like a terrible mother not spending the rest of the day with her.
After dropping her off, we went to Subway for lunch and went home. Well I went home and Nate went to work for a few hours. I attempted to take a nap and did some curb walking outside. My neighbor noticed me out and came by to invite me for a walk, so we went on about a 3 mile walk. My waves were coming every once in awhile, but nothing regular or even close to me thinking labor was beginning. That night for dinner, Nate and I went for pizza at the place we had gone the night before my labor with Kennedy began. At this time I wasn't noticing any other water leaking. I still, to this day, have no idea what happened that morning, but I know that it was amniotic fluid. Its one of those things i need to remember to talk to my OB about the next time.
Anyways, after dinner we went home and I went to listen to my Deepening track (part of my Hypnobabies) at about 10pm. I knew I was going to wake up to waves, but was starting to doubt my body a bit.
Tuesday October 8th, 2013
12:05am
I woke up and had a bit of a cramp. Was that a wave? No. Couldn't be. And I drifted back to bed
12:30 am
I felt another wave and started to wonder if things were going to begin.
1:30 am
I decided to get out of bed and start timing my waves. I'm assuming my adrenaline must have kicked in here because within 15 minutes my waves started coming every 2-3 minutes and were lasting 45- 60 seconds. After 15 minutes I decided to wake up Nate and tell him we should probably make the 50 mile drive to the hospital because I was definitely in labor and wanted to actually use the tub! Nate was a wreck. He probably won't admit it, but I kept having to reassure him we were not going to have the baby in the car and he could take his time. I was so sure my waves were going to stop at any minute so I wanted him to take his time just in case.
I know I texted my doula and just gave her a heads up and we called the hospital on our way to let them know we were on our way! I put on Birthing Day Affirmations and tried to relax through the waves. The bumpy drive and lovely MN road construction made sure that they stayed coming every 2-3 minutes the whole drive to Hudson. I remember getting a text from my doula as we got in the parking lot and she said she was going to head up since she also had a bit of a drive. I still wasn't quite sure that labor had set in and was nervous of things stalling out since I know that can happen a lot when you arrive at the hospital.
Upon check-in, I consented to a pelvic exam where the nurse told me I was a good 5 almost 6 cm! I was so happy! She also said I had a bulging bag of waters and that Dr. Hartung would probably come in and break it. They did a test to see if my waters were actually broken and also gave me an antibiotic. She wanted to get a good strip from me on the monitors and was not very happy about me being on the ball so I got into bed for a bit and relaxed. The test actually came back negative for fluid, so to this day it's still a mystery about the gush of fluid the day before. My doula came and started using essential oils, which we used for the whole birthing time. My body really responded well to them, especially clary sage. My OB came in at 7am to check in with me. It was his day off, but he reassured me that he would come in when I needed him. I declined having my water broken and said I wanted to just have things naturally progress. I was afraid of things becoming too intense and was trying to avoid all interventions. Shortly after he left I got into the tub in that room. I wasn't ready to move to the big tub yet. I'm not sure why not, but it just seemed natural to go into this one.
I actually only wore the hospital gown as a robe. I came equipped with a sun dress and swim suit to birth in.
She knows me well enough to know that I live inside my head, so all clocks were covered so I couldn't watch the clock. I knew time was passing, but just not quite sure of when things happened.
At some point we moved into the water birth room with the big tub. Upon getting into the water I remember saying aloud that it was "orgasmic". The warm water and jets were amazing to submerge in. We also did a lot of spinning babies in this room: belly lifts, inversions, major rebozo action, and side lying release. I knew enough to know that this baby was not in a great position because time was passing and baby was not coming out. At one point in time we went outside and walked around the labyrinth they have in a courtyard and I remember thinking that I was pretty sure I was 10 cm. My body had been shaking a bit before, which I know to be a sign of transformation. I couldn't understand what was going on though. We went inside and decided to try nipple stimulation. My waves had spaced out to 5 plus minutes apart and I guess the nurse had told my doula she didn't think I was in labor. I started to second guess what was happening and decided I wanted to be checked.This must have been around 3 pm. I must not of communicated what I thought I had, but soon enough Dr. Hartung was on the phone. He told me I had a few options. 1. Have another cesarean and call it quits, which we both knew was not going to happen 2. Go home. The nurse had told him too that she didn't believe that I was in active labor. 3. He could come in and check me and break my water and we could go from there. I of course chose option 3. This was the first I had heard of the nurses thoughts and it DEVASTATED me to say the least. I started to freak out (in my head) that something was wrong and knew there was no way I could go on any longer if this wasn't even the real deal! Lucky for this nurse it was shift change and I never saw her again. Nate and my doula reassured me that she was just not familiar with Hypnobabies and was not used to seeing people as calm as I was.When my doctor arrived he did a very vigorous check to see if possibly baby was OP, which was not a comfortable thing at all. I would actually go on record to say that that was the worst part of my birthing story. Since I was not wanting to know dilation he wrote it down on a piece of paper for my doula. Nate says at this point he was just praying for anything but an 8! (what I stalled at with Kennedy) I kept saying I thought something was wrong and after a little coercion I allowed my doula to tell me that I was complete! He actually said I was a 9.99999. I'm glad he had a sense of humor at least! So who knows how many hours I was walking around complete? I guess we will never know! No idea why I wasn't having an urge to push, but I was given the green light to! Of course there was meconium present so this meant that my water birth wasn't going to happen, but I was free to get in the tub and start pushing. Their rule is that you can push in the tub, but have to birth the head out of water if it is present. We started filling the tub and I got in only to pretty much get back out. I wasn't comfortable anymore in the water. Too much in and out I think. I got into bed and started pushing on my knees, facing the back of the bed. This felt natural to me, but eventually ended up pushing on my side. All I really remember from this phase was my doula saying over and over 'she believed she could, so she did' and Nate cheering me on like I've never heard him before. I was oblivious to what was going on in the room, but Nate says that he knew it was close when my doctor took off his shoes and put on some gloves and came and sat at the end of the bed. I really believed I still had a few hours to go.
I pushed for 3 hours without a baby with Kennedy, so I expected at least 5 hours this time. I rested a few times and I remember right before I pushed her out the nurse said 'you're going to have your baby during this next wave' and I looked at her and said "Seriously??" I had NO clue we were that close. Like zero idea. So the next one, at what I now know to be 5:59pm, I gave it all I could and out she came! I reached down and pulled her up onto my belly. It was such a surreal moment and happened so quickly that I was in shock. I'm not even sure how long it took Nate to look and see what we had. I still remember the tears in his eyes after I exclaimed that "I did it! A baby came out of my vagina!" He lifted up the babies leg and said "We have another little GIRL!" I also may have said that a certain doctor could go eff herself and the whole room erupted in laughter! Seriously. She told me I couldn't have a baby and I believed it! Well little did she know, but Keira Elizabeth was 21" and 9 lbs 15 oz of pure perfection.
I'll skip all of the gory details of stitches, which were minimal and how actually amazing delivering the placenta was for me. I won't say orgasmic, but I will be an odd one and say it felt good. Keira stayed on my chest for a few hours and latched right away. We were able to delay cord clamping and all of my wishes were granted as far as delaying weighing and such so we could just snuggle for awhile. I couldn't believe to actually witness a baby to the breast crawl. She lifted her head straight up and found her way.
I know there is probably more that I may add at some day, but I needed to get this down before I forget even more. Now I will just spam you with my little pumpkin pie, Keira-belle, as I call her.
