Say What?

Holy hell, what have I been doing this summer? Well, I can tell you what I haven't been doing, and that's updating this blog! I'm not even sure where to begin... First of all I DID pass my GD test which came as a huge shock. I really never saw that coming. I figured since I failed the one hour the first time I would fail again the second. Turns out every pregnancy can be different! (Heavy sarcasm)

The month of July was pretty much a big vacation. We spent a week up at Beeezy Point with the fam and K and I took off for Texas to hang out with my sister while she's one maternity leave. Oh and I got to snuggle the sweetest niece ever as a perk. While in TX Nate and I still were going back and forth about the provider debate. We really just couldn't find a compromise. I ended up making an appointment with Dr. Hartung and found out from insurance that he WAS in network so Nate seems better with it all now. 

As of today I'm 34.5! I've been visiting the chiropractor weekly for the last few months which has been amazing for my rib that pops out as well as RLP. As an extra bonus it should help make for a quicker and easier labor. Well, so "they" say. 

Last week we had our first meeting with our amazing doula. It went wonderfully and was super beneficial I think for Nate. He even rebozod me! Rebozos are Mexican scarfs used to help left the baby a bit to get more in a prime position. 

Here I am at 32.6 I think:

Third Trimester

Yesterday a friend wrote me to congratulate me on making it to the 3rd trimester. My response, "Holy shit. I didn't even realize that!" I think I come here every time with some sort of comment about how time is just flying by, but it really truely is. Just last night we finally spoke about names for the first time, we still aren't for sure where we will be having this baby even. 

Tomorrow I have what needs to be my last ob appointment with my current provider. I decided to stay with them through my glucose test since they gave me the juice. Very technical planning as you can see. I'm terrified of failing the 1 hour again. I know they say you can't trick the test but I'm going to at least eat healthier than I did last time before it and drink my water. I actually downloaded an app to help me with my water drinking. Even though its 10:30am right now and I still have yet to drink a glass...

Here's my belly last week at my sisters wedding. 

And strange. A picture of my two loves, K and ice cream. 

Tomorrow marks 27 weeks I think?! And I am still feeling good. Fat, but good. My rib is popped out so a chiropractor visit is in the near future. Baby is super active and I love watching it poke and roll across my belly. 

20 Something Weeks

It's amazing really how time seems to be flying by. In a way it's a good thing, but then again I have this feeling that we may be sitting in the exact same place in September with no name, not sure on where we are delivering and nothing figured out with the babies room.

Last week (or maybe the week before) the hubby decided he didn't want to drive to Wisconsin for care. His exact words, "If this whole VBAC thing is so normal, why do we have to go so far to have a baby?" He's a little nervous, and I get it. Kennedy's birth was a traumatic experience for the both of us. Here is an article written by the amazing man I do still hope to deliver with. Maybe I should just have Nate read it and he would understand?

 I do feel more equipped this time with a doula at my side so I'm open to looking for a different provider. Things I DO know is that home birth isn't an option for us. I'm not ready for it, and I know Nate isn't either. A birth center is an option that I'm open too, but I guess I don't see the point. I might as well have the baby at home then, and that brings me back to the first point.

I had a great appointment last time with the providers who won't allow me a TOL and the doctor said she thought I was making the right decision and she hoped to allow VBAC's again soon, but since they deliver at two hospitals they are not allowed to. So silly how much of a business our right to birth is.

On a lighter note, I am 24 weeks tomorrow. Things are coming along smoothly. I do have a rib out at the moment and had that with K. Hoping it will pop back in soon or a chiropractor is in my near future. I've never been, so I'm a little freaked. My favorite thing right now is when K is on my lap and the baby starts trying to kick her away. It's a little battle only I am privy to, since K feels the kicking but isn't that impressed.

 

U/S at 22 weeks. I think baby looks deep in thought :) Baby was measuring 5 days ahead which is just like their big sister.

 

20 Weeks and 6 Days

It's really unreal how time flies when you have children. People tell you, but you can't really grasp what they are saying until you are in their shoes. Since the last time I have written, I was blessed with the opportunity to attend my sister M's birth of her baby girl. It was a whirlwind of a trip. Literally drove to the airport after her water broke and got on a flight to Dallas. I made it in time, and let me tell you it was the most beautiful thing I have ever been a part of. It's her story to tell, but I will tell you that it really affirmed a calling of working in the field that I've been ignoring for quite some time.

This was my first time away for Kennedy for a whole 72 hours! It doesn't sound like much, but I was excited to get home to this little pumpkin.

 

Okay this is super old, from November I think but I need to upload pics in a bad way!

While I was away, I also felt the little one from the outside for the first time. I have been nervous with the little movement I've been feeling, but keep reminding myself that I'm not lying around on the couch as much as I did last time.


How far along? 20 weeks 6 days

Weight gain/loss: Oh dear God, I am afraid of the scale. I was up 27 at my last appointment, but then was down 5 so we will see next week!

Maternity clothes? Yep. They are just so comfortable!

Stretch marks? Not anymore than I already had

Sleep? Insomnia and a crazy toddler have been visiting me at night. I also have a ton of bad dreams! One from two nights ago was about the baby, and it was a little girl we had named Jude?? Weird.

Food cravings: Nothing really. Honestly, I've been craving a beer in a bad way!

Movement? Movement has really picked up in the last few days, and I felt my first outside kick in Texas at 19w6d I believe

Gender: We're those people that don't find out, but we do have our anatomy scan next Tuesday (late because I had to reschedule while I was in TX) if baby wants us to know i suppose they will show us!

Belly button in or out? Still in and it never popped last time

What I miss? Having my body to myself. I'm going through some issues with having been pregnant and then breastfeeding until I was yet again pregnant again. I love every second of it, but at the same time I can't help but want it to be all mine again.

What I'm looking forward to: The constant movement that is coming up. I also love when you can lie down and watch your belly move.

The Doula Decision

Ohmygoodness I am SO excited that Nate agreed to us hiring on the doula that I was hoping for. We had the interview last week and on the way, tears were shed. He is very black and white, my husband, and doesn't quite understand the whole VBAC thing and why it it important to me. Hmmm. Maybe that should be my next post? He's starting to catch on, and OUR doula was able to help him see things even a little more clearer.

So now we wait until around 32 weeks and will have our first prenatal appointment where she will come out to our home and we will go over some hypnobabies things and I've also asked her to help assist me in some nutrition/exercise as well. Now that it is nice out, I am definitely getting out more and doing a lot of walking so hopefully that will help as well!

I really feel so much more confident now that she is hired. We are still not 100% on the OB situation and have an appointment this coming Tuesday at the old one still, which happens to be our anatomy scan. I'm so excited to see this little one! I am starting to feel a few pokes here and there, but nothing like how I did with Kennedy. Maybe it's because I don't get to lay around all day with a laptop on my belly and play on The Bump.

So here we sit at 19 weeks and a few days....

 

 

 

Somehow, the 8.5 oz doesn't add up to the 20 lbs I've put on...

 

Questions For the Doula

Tonight is the night we meet with our potential doula. I am SO excited, and in a way shocked that Nate is even open to the idea. Let me preface by saying I met this women during my last pregnancy with Kennedy and she was really the first person to bring hypnobabies to MN, so of course I was drawn to her. For some reason though I couldn't justify the cost. I also had complete confidence in my body and myself that I didn't see the need for one. Now looking back it is one of the biggest mistakes I made was not getting one.

I've decided to study hypnobabies again for this pregnancy because of how amazing it worked during my last one. I think I am more clam 9 months pregnant, then I am on an average day. So it's important to me to have a doula that is knowledgeable in hypno-anesthesia and one that will use the same terms: transition= transformation, the "P" word = pain is a no-no, labor= birthing time, etc. My goodness I sound like such a hippie some times! So i know that I am already sold on the idea of having her present, but the husband...not so much. I've been looking at some different questions to ask and this is a list that I've collaborated.

-What made you become a doula?
-Where/When did you get your training? Are you certified?
-How many births have you attended?
-How many VBACs have you assisted in?
-Have you ever missed a birth?
-Tell me about a birthing experience that was challenging and how you were able to overcome it?
-What are the prenatal/postpartum visits like? What do they entail?
-Do you have a back-up and do I meet her ahead of time?
-What do you do if I am induced or need to have a c/s?
-How does having a doula still allow for a couple to still feel like this is a private event?

So we will see how this goes. During my last birth I had a nurse that was amazing. I think I spoke of her in my birth story. I keep reminding my husband of her and how awesome it would have been to have had her there the whole time. Maybe if I would have had someone trained in rebozo, Kennedy would have been able to get in a better position.

Today we are 18 weeks and 2 days, so I guess that makes this little bean a sweet potato. This little sweet potato has been doing lots of somersaults and finally is starting to give some kicks and pokes. I swear I remember feeling kicks sooner last time, but I also think I'm a lot more active this pregnancy so there isn't as much time to lay around.

Here are Miss K and I this week at the March of Dimes walk. Don't mind my tongue, but it's the only way she would look at the camera and we were solo! We walk for our friends on the team, Devoted to Dylan. Check out their awesome story here!

 

The Consult

On Wednesday afternoon Nate and I made our journey to Hudson to see the doctor known in my area as the 'VBAC King.' Let me tell you he was like no other OB I have ever met in my life, but I'm getting a little ahead of myself now aren't I. So on the way there I started to get nervous. I'm not quite sure about what. I've heard great things about this man for years, but I think being told I could never have a vaginal birth is something that holds a lot of fear over me. I knew though that I had to get another opinion and if it was in his opinion that it couldn't be done, then I would learn to accept that I was one of the 1%.

Upon arrival they tried to get us to pay an absurd amount of money because of our high copay. I reminded them that he wasn't even my doctor yet and this was a consult, but this was not the way I wanted it to start with Nate. He is already concerned about the ordeal and the extra money is on the top of his list. We made a list of questions in the waiting room and when my name was called I'm pretty sure my blood pressure when through the roof!

We all sat down and Dr. H explained to us that although he couldn't guarantee a VBAC, he has over an 80% success rate (unheard of!!) and has seen multiple women with my same story become a success. He told us that as long as baby and I were okay he had no issues of us going past 42 weeks and that he wants it to be as natural as possible. MUSIC TO MY EARS! I have never been so relieved to find a provider that is on the same page as me. I feel as if last time, I had to educate my practice as to what hypnobabies was and I had to fight to put off my c/s even though I knew baby and I were okay. I think that is the biggest misconception in ob care is that we take the first number on the list. We don't interview providers like we do pediatricians and such to find the one that best suits us.

After the meeting was over it was so great to hear the positivity in my husbands voice. He needed to hear that from a doctor. Now I just need to convince him it isn't that far! Dr. H did say he would still take me as a patient if I wanted to split my prenatal care with a provider closer to me, but as of yesterday it doesn't sound like my current OB practice is up for it. Oh well! One step closer in the right direction! Now to meet with our doula this week! EEEK! I'm so excited to meet her!

 

Oh and here I am on Wednesday 17.1

 

The Birth of Kennedy

I've known for a long time that I needed to put this in writing. After 18 months, you would think that it would be an easy thing to talk about, but still I found myself last night in tears when trying to tell the story of my birth. A story that should be filled with joy and excitement, so then why am I still upset about it? Anyways, last night, after many months of begging from a friend, I decided to go to an iCan meeting. Now I have heard HORROR stories of what these women are like. I did not want to "drink the kool-aid" so to speak. Last night they were celebrating cesarean awareness month so it was like a typical therapy group. We went around and told our stories. I was in shock of how many of these women reminded me of myself! I related to so many of them, and they weren't all tree hugging, home birthing hippies like I had imagined. When it got to be my turn I could barely do it, so here we go. I'm going to finally make this official and hope I remember as much as I can....

Monday October 3 (40 +4 weeks)

I went in for my 40 week appointment. I knew what was going to happen, so I made Nate come with me. The doctor said we needed to set a time for induction. I asked for the following Monday, but she said I would be risking the life of my baby, so we decided on Thursday evening. I cried. The good news that reassured me was that my favorite OB was the one who would be at the hospital on Friday. It seemed meant to be. After all of the "research" I had done, I believed that my baby was to come on their own time. To pick their own birthday, but unfortunately that wasn't going to be the case.

Wednesday October 5 (40 +6 weeks)

Tonight was the last night Nate and I were going to be home alone. We decided to go celebrate and got in the old '77 Ford and went on a date. We laughed as we went off roading a bit and he tried to go over bumps trying to get my water to break. I was more worried about peeing my pants, but we had a great time. I remember having this thought while we were driving about how it would never be just me and him again. It choked me up. I started to mourn the loss of our little family of two that could do whatever we wanted when we wanted. It's such a strange feeling now looking back!

We went for pizza and ice cream and then went to a friends I believe. I refused to sit down, hoping gravity would help a bit. I remember thinking things were a little damp below, but not thinking much of it. After we got home I went to lay on the couch and Nate went to bed. Around midnight I stood up and felt a gush. I went to the bathroom but I couldn't be sure. This happened a few times and I woke Nate up around 2 and told him I was pretty sure my water was broke. He asked me what I wanted to do and I said nothing, so I went to bed and hoped for labor to start up.

Thursday October 6th (41 weeks)

Well rise and shine and still no signs of labor. Around 10am I decided I better call the OB. They wanted me to come in right away to be checked if it was a rupture or not. I called Nate and relayed the message, but took my time. I got in the shower, finished packing a bag and we stopped for lunch (Arbys) on our way. I knew they probably weren't going to let me eat. When we arrived I was lectured nicely about waiting 12+ hours before coming in. They did the swab and I started to second guess if it was fluid. Were they going to send me home only to come back in a few hours to start my induction? It just didn't seem right.

The test came back for amniotic fluid and I was happy that my body had done something right! It really gave me a sigh of relief that I wasn't just being induced because of a date. Now I probably would have waited a bit longer, but at the time 12 hours was my cut off for fear of infection since my body wasn't contracting at all. Shortly after, they placed the Cervidil to help jump start labor. After an hour or so I began to feel contractions begin. I think it was to be placed for three hours and after they were up I had dilated to a 2! I was so excited that my body was responding. After the pitocin started things started to get intense quite a bit faster. I started listening to my hypnobabies tracks and found I was most comfortable in a rocking chair. So I did most of my laboring there, besides a quick stint on the toilet.

Friday October 7th, 2011

And this is the part that things start to get a little foggy. Not because of drugs, because I wasn't taking them, but because it's just been that long! I remember having to get into bed for them to check me and to monitor me because I wasn't being a very good patient and laying in bed. I remember my waters released I want to say it was around 11 pm. When I was checked again and found to be at 7cm. I moved back to the rocking chair and some time later my hind waters released. Meconium of course all over the floor. I started to get nervous and started to get anxious. At around 7 am Dr. T, my fave, came in. I was stalled at an 8, even though an hour before the nurse had said I was a 9.5? I did feel pushy for awhile, but I'm thinking she just must have measured wrong. I refuse to dwell on the 'what ifs' with that, but we did call our parents after being told we were so close and had them head down. That must have been around 5 am. I was so in the zone and my hypnobabies was working so well, that I don't remember times at all.  After Dr. T checked me she said she wanted to go right ahead with a c/s. I bargained for another hour and tried some different positions with the new amazing nurse E that had come in. Still nothing so at 8 am I put it all out there and asked if she would allow me to get an epidural to see if it would relax my cervix enough to dilate. She agreed and said she would give me 2 hours. Luckily, it worked! I made it to 10 cm and was ready to push. To make this as short as can be, I pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed. I was lucky enough and I guess pretty rare, that my legs worked fine with the epi. I had to practically kick a new nurse in the face to have her bring in a squat bar because she didn't believe me. I squatted for about 3 hours and the little babe just didn't want to budge. We did pull the hair out of me for her head though! Hahaha

At about 4:00pm on Friday the 7th we consented to a c/s. I felt good with my decision and felt like I had exercised everything that I could have to get to this last resort. Nate was a trooper and looked so cute in his scrubs. I hate that I don't have any pictures of that. The surgical team agreed to allowing Nate to cut the cord and announce the sex. Let me tell you THE MOST AMAZING MOMENT EVER is hearing your husband introduce you to your baby. Gives me goosebumps every time. Unfortunately, because of the meconium and 40+ hours of rupture they whisked K away to a NICU team without even showing me her. I don't remember her making any noise for a few minutes, even though my surgical report says differently. I was balling and my arms were still strapped down to the table. I had an amazing anesthesiologist that kept wiping my tears. He was such a nice man. They sent Nate and K up to the room while they sowed me up and my body started to shake uncontrollably. I guess this is normal when baby and mom are separated and the reassured me that as soon as she was on my chest it would stop...which it did. I think that is such a cool unexplained connection.

She didn't want to latch and we used a shield and worked really hard and were able to figure it out. I think as far as c/s go. Mine was pretty good. I do long for this next birth to be able to hold my baby right away and to be able have that skin to skin contact that is so important with newborns. Stay with me as I try and go through this VBAC journey!

 

Before I even met my sweet girl.

Baby love at its finest

 

A Little Bit of a Break

Well you could say a lot has changed and time has flown! I am now the lucky mother of a beautiful 18 month old little girl. Kennedy has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. She has changed me in a way that nothing in this world ever has. I'm not sure you can know what true love is until you look in the eyes of your child. Nate and I would giggle over how crazy it was to love something so small.

So here we are 18 months later and expecting baby number 2! I know I need to write down Ks birth story in a bad way. It will explain a lot of why I've come to the decision I have today with how I plan to birth this next baby. October 1st is the tentative guess date, so that puts me at 15 weeks tomorrow. Still no consistent movement, but some flutters every now and then. I love having my Doppler to be able to catch a quick listen when I need that reassurance that all is well.

Here's a picture of my sweet angel.